Opposites Attract

~Tiffany~

She’s the F to my T

I’ve taken the Myers Briggs personality test several times throughout my life for different reasons, and on multiple occasions, up until I hit my late-twenties, my result was INTJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging). Only very recently did I take the test again during a development class at work and find that something had changed: my last letter. I went from an INTJ to an INTP. Somewhere in the course of my twenties, I started perceiving more than judging. Consistently, Aly and I test exactly opposite. When I tested INTJ, she was a ESFP (Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Perceiving). She has since also changed to an ESFJ…still my exact opposite.

So, what does this mean? I thrive in an environment fueled by logic and not clouded by feelings or emotions or any of that other “fluffy stuff.” Aly, on the other hand, on top of being an ESFJ, is a Cancer, which means that if there is an emotion out there to feel, she will feel it, and she will articulate that feeling better than anyone. This has led, on several occasions, to a conundrum: how can I, as a logical problem-solver, be a supportive partner to her, an emotional feeler of all things, and how can she do the same for me?

Our approach to this problem-solving conundrum: the fix or feel method. For instance, when Aly complains about something in her day, I quickly pose the question “Fix or Feel?” Having her say “fix” allows me to go into my natural state. It’s what I do best. The “feelings,” while out of my comfort zone, result in a lot of “Yeah, that would make me upset too.” Or, “That was so rude. I can’t believe they did that to you!” She suddenly feels understood and I feel like a rock star.

My mind at work: “What’s the most efficient route to get through San Diego Zoo in one day?…”

The Emotional Monkey Wrench

I jokingly call her my “emotional monkey wrench,” because when I think I have a problem figured out, and I present her with the solution that seemingly would work perfectly, the emotional monkey wrench gets thrown in and stops the gears from turning for a while until the feelings are resolved. It’s funny how relationships make you adaptable, and now that I’m thinking about it, I wonder how much of my conscious effort to be better at feeling for her, and, subsequently, talking about those feelings, played into my last letter changing.

I had to very consciously make an effort to not approach solely problem-solving with Aly. I had to, when presented with a problem, very literally, take a second to tamp down on my initial reaction, understanding that the moment was about her. I often still fail. Less often now, thankfully, but I do still, now and again.

“And you get emotions, and you get emotions,…” (Oprah voice)

All of this makes me think about how I’ll approach emotionally charged situations with our children. Aly has asked me before, “How are you going to react if our kid/s comes home and says they’re getting bullied?” I proceeded to tell her of all the ways I would engage the administration at the school and ensure that the parents of the bully would be notified and take action. Aly’s next words were, “but what about our child’s feelings? How will we handle those and make sure that they’re ok?” I was at a loss. I responded in the way that I do when I don’t know the answer to a question. I said, “I’ll read a book about how to handle it.” Aly jokes that I think I can find the answer to all problems in books. Perhaps I do. In books I find the known when I come face-to-face with the unknown. They provide me with the possibility of a solution, but it occurs to me now that this approach is akin to trying to piece-meal a manual for child-rearing out of the experiences of others. It’s sounding more and more like a ludicrous approach. So now, where do I turn?

Times, they are a’changin’

I wonder how kids will change our personalities and approaches. I wonder how they’ll change our relationship and our traditions. I’ve always considered us to be so compatible, whether because we are opposites in many ways, or because my passivity is just enough for her necessity to be in control. I often joke with her that together, we make the perfect person because she’s strong where I’m weak and vice versa. I doubt that this will translate into being the perfect parents, but I muse about how we will play off of each other knowing what our strengths and weaknesses are and how our children will receive and perceive it all.

Planners are Planning…

~Aly~

I’m a planner by nature. One look at my desk full of calendars, planners, and post-its would make that clear, should there be any doubt. Deciding to try to have a baby has been no exception. Being a part of a lesbian marriage helped to further enable the planning measures put into place, as an awful lot of planning is necessary for my wife and I to have a baby. No oopsies here!

Since January 2018, Tiffany and I have set goals, made to-do lists, and basically started to research as much as possible. We have spent many evenings reading blogs or watching vlogs about lesbian couples conceiving, pregnancy prep, birthing options, breast feeding, and even baby shower themes. Truthfully, I remember fantasizing about raising children together years ago when we started dating and fell hopelessly in love, like an SNL skit about a stereotypical lesbian couple. Many years have passed since, as have discussions with countless versions of our visions of children. These discussions always reveal that our children are going to be brilliant, gorgeous, athletic, funny, and artistically inclined. We will also be fantastic parents who are emotionally aware at all times, involved by coaching their teams, and planning school events on the PTA. You’re always an amazing parent with perfect children before you actually become a parent, but I digress.

Now, as only a couple more months separate us from our first round of IUI, we are truly moving into uncharted territory. Sure, it’s good to have plans. I’m glad I learned what foods are helpful for conception. I’m excited to look at baby clothes. I enjoy perusing through endless lists of baby names. And I’m sure I’ll be grateful that I read that article about which exercises will help to prevent vaginal tearing during birth. (I am aware that we aren’t pregnant yet. Don’t judge.)

But, what about all the unknowns? The things that no amount of planning can control. Will we have trouble conceiving? How would I ever recover from a miscarriage? What if we become pregnant with multiples- will we be able to handle it? Will the baby be healthy? How are we going to afford all the diapers and daycare? I even think about stuff that is farther in the future, such as, how will we protect our child from the bigots of the world?

To cope, I find myself repeating a phrase I often heard during my mental health counseling grad school classes. “Trust the process.” I think this is going to be a learning experience for me, for her, for us. I already feel myself adapting and growing. I pray for guidance and comfort during our journey. I always knew that having a baby would change me, but I never expected growth while simply trying to have a baby.

Truthfully, I’m so glad that I have Tiffany by my side during whatever is coming. We are each other’s support. Our marriage is our life raft during life’s inevitable chaos. I expect that this fertility journey will bring us tears, joy, and every emotion in between.  Yet, I’m pretty sure that embracing the unknown will be necessary now. I’ll have to jump in, not just dip my toes.

So, cheers to growth, to finding excitement/happiness through the unknown, and to sharing the highs and lows with possibly only 5 readers (which are probably just close friends and family who see us regularly anyway). This is the start of sharing our journey with you. Welcome to the Albrecht Household.

Life, bring it on. We are ready. 

Becoming The Albrecht Household

~Tiffany~

My name is Tiffany. I’m the one in the hat on our homepage, sitting next to the beautiful one with sparkling eyes and a gorgeous smile. I’m a ginger that very much cowers in the face of sunlight and I often burn in my car on my way to work. I’m an avid reader and don’t generally discriminate when it comes to genre, though, left to my own devices, tend to stray toward queer and historical fiction (it’s a great day when I can find both in one book). My favorite thing in the world to do is spend time with Aly. This may sound cheesy, but she was my best friend before she was my girlfriend and, subsequently, my fiancé and wife, so it stands to reason that the more time I spend with her, the happier I am.

We want to have a baby, or babies, or however many blessings are meant for us. You see, we’re people of faith, and the journey we’ve been on, has demanded, and I imagine, will demand, a lot of it. We’re in the midst of testing and doctor’s appointments that are too numerous to count, but all worth it. The process we’re planning on going through to conceive is called IUI (intra-uterine insemination), where-in, our doctor injects the sperm from our chosen donor into one of our uteruses. In our case, that will be Aly’s. The running joke is that I have the spare…just in case. It’s sort of an unintended benefit of a lesbian relationship. Lol

We came to this decision over many years and it really felt natural for us to have Aly at least carry our first, if not, all, of our children. I never really felt that “thing” that many women say they feel. The internal pull to carry a child eluded me for most of my life. I want to have children, don’t get me wrong. I want to have tons of them! I just don’t feel that it’s my biological imperative to carry them. Aly, on the other hand, always saw herself as one day being pregnant. In this way, and in so many countless others, we fit. So, my uterus is the spare, and very happy to remain that way, but Aly has always been open to the idea of my carrying, should my feelings ever change. They haven’t as of yet, so for now, I’ll keep the ginger gene to myself.

When we began this journey over a year ago, it all felt like it was going to happen so fast, at least to me it did. Aly has always been more realistic with time. In my mind, I saw it going a little like this: lose all the weight we need to by the summer for a healthy pregnancy, pick our donor by August and get inseminated by December. Badda bing, badda boom, baby(ies) in 9 months… Boy, was I wrong. We’re finally here though, and we’ve reached the goal we wanted to reach.

Am I nervous? Sure. Am I completely freaked out by the idea of raising a human, let alone, a good one? Abso-freaking-lutely. My biggest fear at this point is just that. I want us to raise a good human. I want them to be healthy and then, when our part kicks in, I want them to be kind and think of others first. I want them to think for themselves and stand up for what they believe in. I want them to have Aly’s wit and my humor. I want them to have Aly’s endless capacity for emotion and communication and none of my inability to articulate even the most basic of feelings. That’s what I’ve been doing lately…Thinking about the things I want to make sure to pass on and not to. Thinking about how I can be better at the things I know I’m not great at. But here’s the reality: I’m more thoughts, and Aly is more feelings. I’m more about solutions, and Aly is more about making sure we understand the problem before we fix it. Aly talks more and I talk less. Like I said before, in so many ways, in all the ways…we fit. I can only believe that when it comes to parenting, this will be true as well. We will complement each other as we always have and this brings me comfort and calms the nerves.

A year and a half ago, this felt like a dream, but with a couple of months until insemination, and our sperm in a freezer at the bank, waiting for our withdrawal, we’re very much in reality and I feel anxiously fantastic about all of it!

The Journey Begins

Some 12 1/2 years ago, the love of my life became my girlfriend. Five years ago, she became my fiance, and a year and a half ago, she became my wife. For us, we feel like we’ve been on this journey to motherhood and family since we fell in love, but in actuality, we starting taking steps toward making a baby just last January. I sat across the couch from my best friend in the world, on New Year’s Day and said, “I think we’re ready.” I knew we were newlyweds, and I knew we had a long road ahead of us, but there was no one in this life or any other with whom I would want to travel it. So, I held her hand and promised we’d do it together, as we always had done everything. And so began our journey of growing #thealbrechthousehold.

~Tiffany

Life in #theAlbrechtHousehold

January 2019

Tiffany: Why are there more TJMaxx bags than Publix bags in our extra bags drawer?

Aly: Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answers to…

#doweneedgroceries #raedunnaddiction #thealbrechthousehold

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